Right, today I want to talk about relationships. Why?
Because at the moment I have quite a few friends that are divorced and are “back on the market’ (their words, not mine) and I really would like to help them.
First, I’d like to point out that I write romance novels for a reason.
That reason is – I understand human behaviour. I understand relationships. In other words, my intuition is off the scale.
But that’s not something that I particularly like. Why?
Because if i talk to someone about their life, culture, current life situation for 5-10 minutes, I know what is happening with them. And I understand them. Fully and unreservedly. I mean, if I’m given insight into someone’s life, I can’t go back. So I understand.
And you know what?
That word is underestimated.
Understating someone usually means if someone is horrible to me, I understand the reasons why they are acting like that, and where they are coming from. If they are nice to me, I usually know why. If they cry, or are upset, or they do stuff and everyone judges them, I know why. The real reason. Which most time has nothing to do with what’s happening at that very moment.
Bottom line, my understanding helps me write my novels and develop the relationships in my books. However, my intuition also helps me figure people out, specifically when they talk about their relationships.
This skill is good when you want to stop people you around playing the games they do such as:
‘Alexandra, you don’t understand, there aren’t any available men around!’
Actually, I do understand.
It is you who don’t want to take a look at yourself, and assess the situation. You’d rather play hours-on-end self-depreciating games with your ‘enabling’ friends, than to stop the whining and actually take action.
So for those that are single, and would like to find someone to love, and at the same time are willing to take action, here are my five cents:
1. First, write down a few short facts about yourself, what you want to tell people when you meet them, etc. Tip. If you can record yourself on your smart phone, do it. Introduce yourself, say your name, where you’re from, what you do, who you are. Make sure it’s not longer than a minute. And then watch it. Is that how you want to come across? Practice. Remember, first impressions are everything, so show your best side. Mention your achievements, your dreams and things you would like the other person to know about you.
2. Think about who are you targeting (e.g. age, gender, interests) and their precise wants and needs as that relates to what you offer. Being able to clearly identify your potential partner will help you both pinpoint promoting yourself and better “speak his language”.
3. Having a strong unique selling point is of critical importance as it distinguishes you from the other women/men! Think about what is it that you have or do, or maybe even where you come from, that you know your potential partner would absolutely love, etc.
4. Positioning – this must be aligned with your desire to find a partner. For example, if you want to meet someone at the gym, going there once a month may not give you quick results because you limit your time spent at the gym. Also, once you are there you need to be open for conversation, and not many people want to talk while they are dripping in sweat. So you need to think about this carefully. Where do you see yourself meeting this person? Think of your interests.
5. How will your potential partner find you? For example, how he will find your mobile phone, or social media account? Via a friend? A relative? Will they ask you for your details directly? Think of many different ways in which he might be able to reach you. Open yourself up to new avenues. Maybe think about social media as an option if it isn’t. Or think about joining a club – something in line with your interests, somewhere where you are comfortable, too.
6. Place – meeting your potential partner. There are numerous places such as attending weddings, family gatherings where you’ll be introduced to potential suitors by your family, friends, etc. Going out on blind dates, signing up for online dating, etc. or simply telling people you are single and available. You may get several more ‘fix ups’ or recommendations than you think.
7. Conversion – this refers to the techniques you employ to turn potential partners into real partners. The idea is for you to have specific questions that you’d ask your potential partner and so you’d know instantly if you want to go out on a date with him/her. But don’t keep it to a few questions. I had so many I asked in a very nonchalant conversational way, that men didn’t really know I was assessing them. Also, make sure you find out what works. For example, if you go on dates wearing full on red lipstick, and insisting on your man kissing you on the first date, then what’s your conversion rate? Do they kiss you? Are they impassive just because of your lipstick? Or do you maybe give off wrong vibe? When reflecting on your conversion rate ask yourself, do you have to change something to be more aligned with attracting the man you want?
8. Joint partnerships – Joint partnerships are agreements you forge with other women who can help you in your quest to find your man. For example, if your ideal man works as a doctor, it could be good if you partner up with a nurse, or someone that works in a hospital. A friend, or neighbour who could help you. Think about all your friends that have partners that were once single, talk to them about your plan of action, I’m sure they’ll want to help.
That’s it for the moment. 🙂
If you are still here and reading this post, thank you!
I know I got carried away but for me taking action is the most important thing in life. You will never get anywhere simply by talking.
And because the quality of our relationships equals the quality of our lives, I hope to reach someone out there and give them a push in the right direction.
That’s all for now, have a lovely Christmas and amazing life!