BDSM: The Stages in Collaring

Stages in collaring

Let’s discuss collaring in BDSM.

Actually, it’s not much of a discussion. I just want to give you extra information about it so you can see where my book THE COLLAR OF FREEDOM comes under.

The collaring is typically done in stages:


Collar of Protection

A collar of protection is denoted by the initials of the protecting Dominant and a small P to signify that protection.

It means that the submissive is under the protection of that particular Dominant, often due to a failed or abusive relationship, or the fact that she may have been stalked or harassed.

Wearing a protection collar gives the submissive time to heal if needed, and the security of knowing she is safe when out and about, as she is under protection. She is literally unapproachable without the knowledge of the protecting Dominant.

Usually, it is a Dominant of high standing in the community that is approached for, or offers protection. There is no time limit on a collar of protection; it is there for as long as it is needed.


Collar of Consideration

A collar of consideration is often the very first step in a potential new relationship between a Dominant and submissive.

This collar is usually worn for an agreed period of time, and at the end of that time, it can be renegotiated, the relationship can go to the next step, or both parties can decide to go separate ways.

A collar of consideration is not offered or accepted lightly, it denotes more than just a casual interest and both parties should understand the underlying meaning behind this commitment.

It is an indication to other Dominants that this submissive is basically off limits whilst in the “consideration” period, and it signifies the beginning of a potentially committed relationship.

It is not, however, a lifelong commitment, and there should never be any blame attached to either party, if at some stage one or other decides to withdraw from the situation.


Training collar

A training collar is the second step, and will be offered by the Dominant, usually after a consideration collar has been in place for a certain period and the next level is agreed upon.

Usually, there will have been many discussions about likes, dislikes, needs and desires, and discoveries about personalities and characteristics, with the underlying factor that there is real potential for this relationship to go deeper, and more committed than before.

A training collar is almost equivalent to an engagement ring, and usually involves the same emotions, feelings and responsibilities.

It signifies to other Dominants and submissives that this relationship is now on a more serious level, and has the potential to be a long term commitment.

The Dominant may now move into other areas of training and discipline and can often demand higher standards from the submissive than before.

The submissive, on accepting a training collar, should have a good understanding of what is required of her – and should be very much aware that her behavior is a reflection of the training she is receiving from the Dominant whose collar she wears.

The collar is also a symbol of the devotion and commitment the submissive has for the Dominant.

At this stage, there can often be conflicts in the minds of both Dominant and submissive. The Dominant now has the added responsibility of this particular submissive, and it may well curtail His exploration of other submissives, unless of course it is agreed beforehand that there will be others involved.

The submissive can struggle to reconcile her mind to her submission, and her commitment to one person. She is no longer available for other potential Dominants, and this can lead to feelings of less personal freedom in her life than before.

Subconscious testing of the relationship’s strength is often an underlying current, as both parties want to see how strong the commitment is. Insecurities and doubts are brought to attention, and often raise their ugly heads when there is no need. These elements must be faced and conquered if the relationship is to move to the next and final step.

Honesty and trust are paramount in any relationship, but more so at this stage as this is the final building block for the ultimate final step.

A training collar can also be used in another way. A Dominant can give a training collar to a particular submissive, in order to train and mentor her in correct behavior and protocols whilst she is searching for her ideal Dominant with whom she will then pursue a serious lifelong D/s relationship.

The mentoring Dominant will help in the search, and will give advice and training whilst doing so. This submissive is treated as if owned by the Mentoring Dominant, until such times as she is released to another.

Again, as with protection collars, it is usually a Dominant of high standing and respect that becomes a Mentor.


Formal collar

This collar which is often known as the slave collar is the ultimate goal and final step in a D/s relationship.

A formal collar is a recognition of the bond and attachment between the Dominant and submissive and bears the same level of commitment and deep feelings as a wedding ring. It shows devotion, mutual respect, and expresses the fact that the Dominant and submissive have the same ideals and desires to share their lives.

In giving this collar, the Dominant shows His commitment to care for the submissive, and be responsible for her. Acceptance of this collar by the submissive, is an offering of her complete submission to the Dominant, she gives the whole girl to him, heart, mind body and soul, and trusts Him to with her life.

It signifies trust, respect and commitment, elements that are crucial to a successful D/s relationship.

A formal collar is often given at a ceremony in front of friends and other D/s community members. It is a deeply emotional and heartfelt time for both parties, and it is an honor to be invited to such a ceremony.

Not all dominants/Masters use all collars and sometimes combinations are used instead.

Please note the above text was written by Kim Debron, a collared slave from Australia.


The Collar of Freedom

And where do I put The Collar of Freedom?

Clearly, not among the real stages of collaring in BDSM.

With all due respect, I did want to give you guys more knowledge about it, however, in all honesty I also wanted to get your attention and tell you more about my debut novel.

THE COLLAR OF FREEDOM is a stage in your life when you actually try the things you always wanted to, and by doing so, you set yourself free while getting attached to a certain type of lifestyle. You know what I’m talking about?

Yeah, I know you do.


“Amelia Jones knows the truth; she lives and breathes it every day. The endless monotony of a loveless marriage, and years of domestic slavery stretch before her in minutes and hours that are destined to end in a mental breakdown.

Then Alexander Reeves walks through the door.

Her new boss is intriguing, charismatic and clearly driven by unspoken demons, and while Amelia knows she’s playing with fire, she’s relentlessly drawn to the man. Alexander is just as taken by her, but knows that giving into temptation can only end in disaster. When the couple succumb to a passionate, furious battle of the wills, Amelia is thrilled and afraid; Alexander’s erotic preferences are shocking to the uninitiated. The trouble is, wild as his life may seem, Amelia knows that he at least is living. Alexander may bring about her ruin, but he also holds the secret to her salvation, and Amelia prays she might be able to save him too.”

And so you’ve published a book…. Now what?

And so you published a book. Now what?

After many days and months, working hard, editing your novel, finally you see the light at the end of the tunnel. In few days you are going to be a published author. Your book, the one which you’ve been working for the past year (or more) is ready. All your supporters, friends, family, people who are genuinely looking forward to your success are there too, waiting eagerly for you to press that button.


And you do, sincerely hoping that by doing so your life will change! You’ll finally be recognized for all your hard work! It will be great! Amazing! Wonderful! It has to be!! Right? RIGHT??

Well, listen to this:

Every single self published author (Erm…well, all except EL James) after publishing their first book goes through an enormous slump in energy which some call despair.

Why? Because right after your book is published and you’ve exhausted all your marketing strategies, the giveaways, facebook and twitter posts … wait..and wait.. and wait for those sales to come..and wait some more. And in a while, you decide you’ve had enough of it and what do you do?  You go back to writing again!!

I’m right, aren’t I?

How else will you run away from the problems that arise in self-publishing and avoid things you don’t understand? I mean, after all, you are not a sales man/woman, you hate self-promotion, you absolutely hate marketing and all the analytics that people tell you about just go above your head. Right?

But, what did you expect to happen?

How many books did you think you’d sell?

Did you think your book would magically get in the hands of some big-shot blogger? He or she would promote it and the sales would just roll in? Kerching!! Yeah….I know you did!

Well, I too, have published a book. Actually, the one I was working on for the past year (“The Collar of Freedom”) is going live on May 30, 2014.

However, since I’ve also written other stories, before I publish “The Collar of Freedom” I’ve decided to do a dry run, see what self publishing really is and hence I published “Flash burn” (the first part) on March 31, 2014.

And so it began! My online presence as a writer started to count. Take notice.

Why is this important? Well, last year in November I’ve attended an Author’s event in London and, together with their autographs, I asked each author few questions:

“What advice would you give to an up and coming author? What were the challenges you were faced with and how different would you have done it?”

The response I got was amazing!! Everyone wanted to help and each of them gave me a great advice.

Today I told you about the online presence. That was one advice I realized mattered most in order to get more sales. Everyone said, the more books you have online the more money you’ll make. However, as a self-published author I am far from making money, but what I know is how to be consistent.

Consistency is after all, king.  

What does it really mean? Let me tell you again. As I said, “The Collar of Freedom”, (that’s my baby) is going live on May 30th. However, another story I’ve written “Flash burn” is already published on Amazon (for which I got raving reviews (wohoo!)) and part two from the same story is going live on April 29th. Part three will come out at the same time with my baby, “The Collar of Freedom.”

So by the time my baby is born on Amazon, people would know of me, which would help me get more sales. Recognition comes with the sales, right? After all, what do authors like us want the most? Yup. To be called Authors. 😀

Does it make sense?

I mean, I repeat, don’t expect to make money out of anything to begin with. In fact, with the amount of money I have already invested in my book, I won’t break even for another year but that’s okay, because remember what I told you?

Consistency is king.  
And that goes for everything in life.

To the new authors out there, the one I talk to and the one I read about, I hope I put your mind at ease a little. Thank you all for reading my first ever post on my first ever blog and I hope to see you again soon. There will be more on self-publishing and its challenges as I walk along this road and, if you are where I am, I want you all to join me. (Don’t forget to subscribe, too 🙂 )

Please do comment with your experiences / challenges you came across in self-publishing.

Perhaps we can overcome them together?