Online D/s Relationships: Fake or Real?

Online D/s Relationships: Fake or Real? ~ Guest Blog Post ~ 

With the surge in popularity of social media and the onslaught of dating sites, it’s become second nature to question the validity of online dating. Nothing can be more true when it comes to Dom/sub online relationships as they come under the scrutiny of so many doubtful and hearing the horror stories of the fakes, it’s easy to see why, but when we take a closer look, that’s where we realize just how little informed we have been until now.

Alice* and Vincent* belonged to the same group when they met and began discussing the ‘regular’ subjects, but then again, which two people getting to know each other wouldn’t? Their daily routine, some of their likes and dislikes, and hoping that they’re not offended by what they’ll discover along the journey of getting to know one another. Likewise, in D/s relationships, there’s a period of time, which is decided by the two, where the Dom and sub take the time to get to know one another and find out if they share any common interests and see if they can pursue a romantic relationship.

Within weeks, it was clear to both Alice and Vincent that there was a bond: as a Daddy Dom, Vincent always makes sure that Alice can rely upon him for comfort, support and is the Dom to satisfy her sexually, mentally and in every other way (which I’ll get into later). Alice, who didn’t realize she has Little tendencies until recently, makes sure that Vincent knows she’s there to support him, makes him a priority in her life and that all his needs are met. The consideration period, the second step in a Dom/sub relationship, is where both parties find out if they’re compatible and if they continue their relationship; they’ll discuss what is expected of each other, from behaviour to daily tasks.

Following the ‘conventional’ Dom/sub relationship development, Alice and Vincent’s relationship should logically be the claiming, one of the most intimate and binding steps since it’s considered the equivalent of being engaged. Although not thought as one, but just as powerful, possibly even more so, it wasn’t long before Alice was claimed.

The question many often wonder about online D/s relationships is how is it possible to satisfy, even create that much desired, sexual need? While it’s true that the couple hasn’t had the opportunity to meet, vivid descriptions (sexting) on how Alice should touch herself, or where Vincent would touch her and how Alice would in turn touch Vincent is one of the ways that builds the physical connection. Of course, the use of various toys, pictures and videos heighten the pleasure.

To the still doubtful: how is it possible to explain how a sub, whether it’s Alice or Tracy*, feel such happiness when their Dom come online and with a ‘good morning babe/kitten’ or ‘good girl’, their day is instantly brightened? When Tracy misses Jack*, or Alice, Vincent by mere minutes after they’ve left a message in their inbox, missing their time together online, how can we explain the disappointment they feel? The sadness these girls feels when their Doms are going through difficult events and know they’re physically unable to comfort them. The frustration of being disciplined, the worst being ignored. But how can we ignore the reality and the emotional need behind wanting to talk, spend time with one another, express that they belong to each other and that no matter what happens during their hectic days, they can still show they desire each other as much as they did when they first met.

That is not to say that there aren’t any fake online D/s relationships – or rather, untruthful Doms or subs, like many relationships, there’s always the risk of selfish, cruel or, quite frankly, the ones on the online scene preying on those looking for the real thing. Take a few moments to search Facebook or Google for support groups dedicated to these online D/s relationships, it’s surprising just how far this community reaches and how close knit it is. In a matter of minutes not only would subs rally around Alice and Vincent to help, but Doms would be more than willing to open their doors to find solutions to the trickiest of difficulties.

“A Dom needs to be needed. A submissive needs to feel wanted.

Without each other, they are nothing. Only together, they are complete.”


*names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the individuals discussed.

~ A little about the me ~

As an avid reader (and trust me, I am), I was drawn to the 50 Shades of Grey series (yes, I know!) to find out just how accurate to the lifestyle it was. Amid the debates and the outcries of injustice from the discrepancies, I saw two people fall in love *sigh*, a true weakness of mine and decided to further my personal education in the BDSM. When my nose isn’t buried in my ipad reading or catching up on the latest information I’ve come across during my expeditions online, I can usually be found spending time with my little monster in her many adventures, which are often riddled with mischief, or blogging for an amazing duo who owns their own reading club.

Kathleen Rivest

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